Jack 30

His name isn’t Jack, his real name is arabic but he learnt early on that arabic names aren’t popular in Australia.  So he picked the most aussie name he could find, Jack.  Originally from Jordan, he’s just one of the many young arabic men I’ve met over the last couple of years.

Hard working, dedicated to improving the quality of his life, a little patriarchal and chauvinistic but generally  well intentioned and, in a surprisingly cool way, well mannered.

I met him one night at a Saints and Sinners Ball.  He was obviously a body builder and had muscles ripping on muscles.  My approach was straightforward  “you darl, are gorgeous!”

He bowed a thankyou and sashayed off into the heaving night.  Of course he wasn’t interested in me – such a gorgeous hardworking young thing.  I saw him bouncing on some sweet young thing later in the night, his bum a wonder to behold.

If you’ve never been to a Saints and Sinners ball –  there is lots of public sex, on the stage, on the dance floor, in various lounges and on tables, lots of sex.  And lots of naked and near naked bodies – its an experience let me tell you.

At 2 am I decided it was time I headed home and as I changed out of my safe but sexy negligee, there he was.  We smiled and chatted about the night.

“Would I like his number, would I like to go out sometime”

I couldn’t believe he was asking but i said yes and gave him my phone  – “Jack”.  I laughed and asked him for his real name – he said Jack would do.

Jack held my arm and walked me to my car, politely said goodbye and left.

I rang him a couple of weeks later and we arranged to go out – but not as a couple – he made that very clear that he wasn’t interested but as partners to an event.  Was i interested?

“Yes” I said and I became Jacks partner at some of Melbourne wildest swinger events.  Just like that I was a regular  in a world I had only ever heard of.

Wet on Wellington, has to be experienced to be believed as does Attungas and Debauchery.

Random Stranger

It was Friday night when I received a message.  

                                                          “Hi  Babe its Paul”

I hate it when I’m called Babe, but I responded thinking it was one of the guys I had recently given my number too.

“What you doing to night” he asked and we started a good 1/2 hour text convo on all things about life, the universe and meeting up.

He asked me to send him a photo – which I did – his response   “Hot”

He sent one of himself – I didn’t recognise him at all,  I’d never seen him or contacted him ever.  “Darl how did you get my number, I’ve never met you before?”

“Ýou gave it to me at the gym”he said

“No darl I didn’t”

“You want to meet up anyway – your still hot”

And that is how I met Paul, 32 , covered in tats and working as a bouncer.

Lifes so funny.




  • Hi Miss Button
    Sent from the OkCupid app  Apr 6
  • Hello mr Adp
    Sent from the OkCupid app  Apr 7
  • Haha. You can call me Andy
  • Hi Andy, I’m Miss button or Love
  • First name Love?
  • How are you today?
  • Why not, nah it’s Red. I’m good and you
  • Hey little Red. Ready for the weekend?
  • Yes still at work and working tomorrow as well
  • What do you do for work that keeps you so late Miss Red?
  • I work in the arts
  • And we have a performance tonight
  • Ah nice. Actress?
  • Musician?

    What you do ?
  • I’m work inFilm and Television
  • That sounds interesting- what do you work on
  • I’m a freelancer. Films and drama series
  • Oh I’m currently in a jazz bar listening to music theatre
  • Nice babe. All dressed up for the night?
  • But you know all about long hours
  • That I do.
  • So what are You doing tonight mr Andy
  • I’m having a quiet night relaxing on the couch
  • Track pants on and a scotch in my hand
  • For some reason. That sounds incredibly sexy
  • Ah…..does it?
  • Warm scotch on my lips
  • It might be because I’m listening to some great singers
  • Haha. So not me here in my tracksuit pants with no underpants then?
  • Ooh I just got a visual, you wild thing you
  • Good visual?
  • With your musical soundtrack
  • Great visual, you wearing a t shirt
  • Yes I am
  • What are you wearing babe?
  • Tight blue jeans and a soft transparent red top
  • And my name badge
  • And I’m not wearing undies either
  • Ooooh. So your arse looks good with no pantyline?
  • That is sexy
  • I hate vpl
  • Me too
  • Nice to feel the jeans against your arse ?
  • I don’t know – you’ll have to test it and tell me if it feels nice
  • Mmmmm
  • Run my hands over your arse?
  • Something about you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
  • Lean back against me
  • Sorry my show just finished so it’s been madness for the last 25 minutes
  • That’s ok babe
  • I was just imagining……..
  • Would you give me your phone number and I’ll call you on my way home
  • Sure Red. 04xxxxxxxx
    Sent from the OkCupid app  Apr 7


    We met in a bar in Hampton.  He was tall,  intelligent, easy to talk too. We discussed his ambition to work in Hollywood, how poor he was and how difficult it was to find decent affordable accommodation in Melbourne.

I paid for the drinks.

He walked me to my car and we kissed, Nice but nothing explosive.  We chatted on and off for a couple of weeks.  We just couldn’t seem to find the time to get together again.  I haven’t heard from him since early May and its now August.


Daniel – Date One

Friendless and single isn’t something anyone wants to be.

I did have friends but after a year of sitting in their lounge rooms, drinking wine and bemoaning the lack of a partner I decided it was time to venture out into the world of possibility.

Enter Meetup.  I went from having an empty calendar to a week full of social activities, bands, dining, dancing, dress up parties.  A veritable feast of great things to do.  Joined The Happy Hour Commandos and my Friday night  went from a lonesome drunk vigil in front of the TV to  an opportunity to meet men – over 150 people would be attending.

The Happy Hour Commandospromising good times, good drinks, good company, good prices.  Enjoy the thrill of seeking out the best happy Hours at the best establishments with the best company.  This week the Spice Market – a groovy inner city bar taking you to the Souks of Turkey.

Straight from work I venture into this exotic venue, I’m excited and nervous and hoping for magic.    Right – time to chat, I approach some people, say hello, start the difficult task of small talk, a task I am ill suited too.  Move on, try again.  Shake hands, say names, decline drinks, mention the weather, what do you do for a living, where do you work  – the night travels on, more people arrive, groups expand and shrink, I’m ignored or included in conversations, nothing is certain when you venture out alone.

I meet Daniel.

Daniel is one of the tallest Spaniards I’ve ever met, maybe one of the tallest men actually.  Quite handsome and surprisingly I am conscious that he  has a clear view of the top of my head – no hiding the grey hair.  I make jokes and try to understand what hes saying.  His accent thick and his voice high pitched – I miss so much of the conversation but I laugh and joke and play.

Without a hint of slime, his arm slips around my shoulder and mine around his waist.   This casual proximity is promisingly comfortable.  Its reassuring to have his arm around me – almost like a safety vest.  We stand comfortably together watching the crowd.

I see him again a fortnight later at another Happy Hour Commandos event and once again we finish the night with arms resting casually on each other.  He kisses me goodnight – its nice.

We  catch up for dinner at the deceptively named Naked for Satan – a tapas bar in Collingwood.  Its been years since I’ve been on a date or felt a mans touch on my naked skin.

I miss the warning signs, the alarm bells, the wake up call.  (Leaving the Tapas  bill unpaid, I only realise hes headed to the upstairs bar when he fails to return from the bathroom after 15 minutes.  I pay the bill – but I hate the less than chivalrous way he’s handled the who pays issue and that he’s just left me sitting on my own.  He returns, we leave, I don’t tackle the rudeness  – it will take me a long time to learn how to address that type of disrespect.) 

We head over to his place – a two bedroom time-warped 70’s flat in a rundown busted part of Coburg.   His kitchen overtaken by the  Atlas Stand Alone Gym Set, the sullen garbage bin overflowing with takeaway containers, the sink groaning under the weight of unwashed dishes.  Underpants lie casually on the back of chairs.   I just close me eyes to it all – my standards of hygiene aren’t for everyone!!

We know we are heading towards bed – its been years for me and I am so keen to feel the touch of a man.  What I wasn’t prepared for was the failure of my body to function – after years of no intercourse, no intercourse was possible – or should I say pleasurable.

Whilst he didn’t intend to hurt me – the whole process was massively painful and disappointing for us both.

For me it was obvious that I wouldn’t be seeing him again but more importantly I had better see a Doctor about what was left of my capacity to function as a sexual being, my fear that I was doomed to a life of celibacy too horrible to contemplate.  I use to love sex.

Post script – I saw Daniel several months later at a Meetup, he didn’t remember my name.